My Identity Crisis: Wearing Multiple Hats by Wallis Hamilton-Felton

Hi, I’m Wallis and I’m an actor.

Hi, I’m Wallis and I’m a writer.

Hi, I’m Wallis and I’m having an identity crisis.

I used to be scared to call myself an actor if I wasn’t working. When I met someone on an off-period, I would tell them what my bill-paying job was, rather than saying I’m an out-of-work actor. There felt something shameful in that, so I chose to hide it. About four years ago I found myself in conversation with a total stranger on the tube who told me they were a nurse taking some time off work. It struck me that she still introduced herself as a nurse. When I wasn’t in employment as an actor, I never did this. Yet I had done the training, put the time and skills into my craft, just as she had. That woman on the tube will never know how she changed my whole perspective. I now always introduce myself as an actor, no matter what my working situation is.

I’d been out of work for almost a year and had a prominent ringing in my head from a teacher at drama school; “if you can’t find the work, go out and make it yourself!”.

Despite the revelation that I’m an actor even while unemployed, I’ve been struggling lately with my identity as a writer. I turned to writing in 2018 when I saw submissions open for a new writing festival. I’d been out of work for almost a year and had a prominent ringing in my head from a teacher at drama school; “if you can’t find the work, go out and make it yourself!”. Completely uncertain of my voice or writing style, what emerged from this necessity to create something was my first play. Incredibly it was selected for the festival and about six months later was picked up and revived in a different venue - yet I still didn’t refer to myself as a writer. I was just an actor who had written a piece I cared about, out of a necessity to create.

Two years went by, I continued focusing on acting until lockdown hit. Suddenly I found myself again in a place where I longed to do something creative but didn’t have an outlet. My friend and I set up a writing challenge between us and every fortnight we met via zoom to share what we’d done. Through that began the bones of my second play.

I conjured up images of Samuel Beckett and Arthur Miller in their tweed jackets and pipes and realised I was letting fear of conventionality hold me back.

Whilst I continued to work on it, I questioned my writing at every turn. I saw the Space theatre (London) was doing a call out for their Script Space programme, which is designed to offer feedback and the opportunity of a rehearsed reading to writers working on new drafts. I’d worked with the Space before and I knew how receptive and welcoming they all were - yet I didn’t even consider applying. It wasn’t until I told my friend about it that she challenged me to do it. “But I’m not a writer!” I told her, coming up with excuse after excuse. “What even is a writer?” she retorted and it struck me how right she was. What IS a writer?

You identify with the arts in some way and at the essence of that is the idea of not fitting the norm. None of us have to fit into a box.

I conjured up images of Samuel Beckett and Arthur Miller in their tweed jackets and pipes and realised I was letting fear of conventionality hold me back. Everything I love about the arts is that there are no rules - nothing has to be the way it was before. Some of my favourite writers; Marina Carr, Martin McDonagh, Michaela Coel, are all about challenging their audiences and pushing boundaries. Yes, I have no formal training in writing and I’m a more confident actor than writer, but that comes from years of honing in on that craft. I’m still incredibly new to writing, but I have to start somewhere. So, I took the plunge and submitted my script. I spent the following week in a constant state of anxiety and fear of the feedback. I’m used to criticism as an actor; I take it as a reflection of a choice I made, rather than my ability, but criticism of my writing? That felt personal. To prepare myself for it, I spent time reading plays that I love, but specifically picked ones that hadn’t reviewed well. It was a great learning curve for me, reminding me that just like acting, writing is so subjective and going forward I’m choosing not to take feedback personally.

With the help of the Space and Mrs C, I now say with confidence that I AM a writer. Through these wonderful communities, I’ve met countless other creatives wearing multiple hats and I’m no longer scared of people’s perception of me when I say I write, as well as act. My guess is that if you’re reading this, you’re a creative person. You identify with the arts in some way and at the essence of that is the idea of not fitting the norm. None of us have to fit into a box. My whole life I’ve been type-cast as the “girl-next-door”. While my casting type may be set in stone, my possibilities within the creative industry are not. It’s time we wore our many hats with pride. Create your own work and see where it leads you. Be brave, try new things and find your voice. I’m still finding mine, but I’m enjoying the journey.

Hi, I’m Wallis and I’m an actor and a writer.